Worry and Stress

I'm pretty much freaking out these days.  I have so much on my mind and so many emotions.  So many worries and so much stress.  I'm bringing a lot of it on myself, I know.  I finally cracked and cried my eyes out, first to Jason, then to my mom, about what all is on my mind...

1.  My baby's about to not be the baby anymore...

Our family of 3 is about to be 4 and Kohen will have to share the spotlight.  

2.  Surgery.  I've had many surgeries in my 31 years.  But it's different, I think, after being a mom.  You have that extra "what if" worry.  What I'm most concerned about with this c-section is that it will be the THIRD time this same scar will be cut into.  The first time it literally about killed me.  In 2002 when the original incision was made for my emergency abdominal surgery, it got pretty intense.  My doctor decided in 2008 to go through the same vertical scar to do my c-section with Kohen.  During the surgery he was verbally very surprised to find that my anatomy was/is "different" than the normal woman and said something like "I'm glad I didn't start there!".  I think Jason has reminded him every single doctor's appointment about my different anatomy and keeps reminding him about how something almost went wrong during my surgery last time.  My doctor has told Jason to remind him again when we're in the operating room.     

3.  Hospital Stay.  After Kohen meets his new baby sister, he will be going to Jason's parents house to stay for a few days until we're released from the hospital.  Last time I was in the hospital for 4 days.  I have never been away from Kohen for this long.  It completely and totally stresses me out.  Not because I will be worried about him, but because I will miss him SO much it breaks my heart to even think about it.  I'm hoping I will only be in the hospital 2-3 days this time :) and I KNOW that Kohen will have SO much fun with Nana and Poppa.      

4.  Kohen is starting preschool.  He starts only 1 week after Saylor is born.  It makes me SO sad that he will not be home with me everyday...but, I'm also very happy that he will be making friends, learning and hopefully have a good experience this time.    

5.  Recovery.  I'm so worried about the healing process with my belly after the c-section.  I'm going to have staples for the first week after I have Saylor, then after that I will be all taped up.  I won't be able to lift for quite some time.  I don't know what I'm going to do when Kohen wants me to hold him or rock him or get him in and out of the car seat.  When I had my breast reduction surgery, I busted open part of my scar because I picked Kohen up one day... Kohen is heavier now and this scar will be much bigger than that one, so it worries me.  

One thing I'm not worried about is that I know Kohen will be a great big brother.

He knows that Baby Saylor will be here very soon and he's excited about it.  

9 more days for Kohen to be an only child...

I sure do love this little boy more than he will ever know.