I Made MY Decision

Since last Thursday I could feel the anxiety building for the next "Kids Day Out". I was a mess yesterday. I went to Target and bought a train track and trains to donate to Kohen's classroom in hopes of him having a better day at KDO. When I got home from Target, I started reading the stack of papers I was supposed to sign and send back in his folder today. I could feel myself getting very emotional and anxious while reading about school pictures, Christmas programs and field trips. To top it off, this paper below was also included in the folder...

Devastating. You may read it and say, But the teacher also said that "tomorrow should be a better day". Whatever. I know better. I used to be that teacher who had to send home a bad report and we were taught to ALWAYS include a positive along with the negative.

Last night I got in bed early. I laid there and cried. Is it really worth all of this? He doesn't have to go.... I already paid the money, but on the other hand would pay that amount of money not to feel this way anymore... I have some people telling me not to send him but I also have more people telling me to stick with it. Jason came in and laid down beside me. He knew I was having a very hard time with it. He told me he would support me in what ever decision I made. He just held me as I boo hooed. After a few minutes I said "I'm not going to take him". Jason didn't say anything at first. I said it again and I immediately felt better. It felt like a weight had been lifted. I know people say that a lot, but seriously, I physically felt like I did the day I had reduction surgery and woke up and could breathe. That's how much this has been weighing on me and I didn't even realize it.

Don't get me wrong. I am ALLLLLL about taking your child to some kind of KDO, MDO or anything like that. I think it helps them in SOOOO many ways. But for now, I'm going to keep my baby home with me.

When I woke up this morning and heard Kohen on the monitor, I couldn't wait to go get him and let him play with whatever he wanted wherever he wanted. I will continue working on the 3 things I listed in the last post, especially his bed time. But, I just don't have the heart right now to take away his "flat surfaces" or ban him form playing with toys on the coffee table. As long as he knows the "floor" is an option too, I think he will be just fine. And so will his mom ;)

I took these pictures last Thursday after I tried so hard to get him to play on the floor:
I think he likes it!

For now we'll do fun stuff at home

This is very off the subject but I wanted to document this! Kohen will pull up this little ottoman to the bookshelf and point to himself in a picture and say "Baby". It's so cute :)