Friday, June 15, 2012

My Life after Death

 I found the website www.recover-from-grief.com.  It lists the "7 Stages of Grief".  I can't explain to you how the stages I read COMPLETELY summed up how I'm feeling.  I felt like they were written just for me.  It is EXACTLY what I'm feeling and EXACTLY what I'm experiencing in my life right now.  I'm not necessarily at "one" of the stages...  I'm a complete mixture of the first 4.

Stage 1:  Shock & Denial
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief.  You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain.  Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.  This may last for weeks.
Stage 2:  Pain & Guilt
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.  You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one.
Stage 3: Anger
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else.
Stage 4: Depression, Reflection & Loneliness
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you.  During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you.  You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past.  You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

...It's so bad.  And it's not getting any easier.  It's only getting harder.  I thought time was supposed to heal???  
I find the only thing that helps is keeping very, very busy.  Luckily I have two active children that help with that.  

Here are some things that have kept me busy...
Saylor had surgery to get tubes in her ears.  Kohen is scheduled to get tubes next week.

We met Scott, Mom, Shelley and Asa in Maumelle last week to have breakfast together.

Saylor is now 9 months old.

Kohen has been a little fish this year in the pool.  I'm so proud of him. (Saylor & Jason in background)

Saylor started crawling... which means bigger messes.

Sleepy girl...

Sleepy boy...

She is also pulling up...

Kohen's very, very short haircut...  with pb&j on his face.

This was when Jason got home from his week long golf trip in California...  The kids were so happy to see him.  I was too.

Celebrating Ashton's 3rd birthday

my baby boy

My friends and I playing golf.

Sherri bought Saylor this cute swimsuit

This is a picture of my Dad when he was a baby.  I think it looks a lot like Saylor.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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