I don't really know where to begin or where to go with this post...but I feel because it's made such a huge impact on me, especially lately, I need to document it.
Eight years ago when Jason and I began dating, I will never forget meeting his family for the first time. It was Thanksgiving 2001. We traveled to Fordyce to his parents house. When we arrived I remember seeing his brother, Jay, for the first time. He was outside spray painting some light posts for his mom. I remember walking into the kitchen and meeting his mom, dad, sisters, sister in law, and brothers in law. I also remember all the kids! There were tons of cousins! His family was very welcoming. I remember seeing Jason's room for the first time. Lots of framed photos and gadgets :) There were two pictures that caught my eye. There was a picture of Jason when he was around the age of 16 holding a little boy that was about 2 years old. He told me that was his nephew Trey. There was also another picture of Trey. He was such a cute little boy. He had blonde hair and a huge smile on his face.
Back when Jason's brother was going through military training, his wife, Angie, and son, Trey, lived with Jason's parents and Jason. Jason would take Trey places and people would think Trey was Jason's son because they looked so much alike!
I never had the chance to meet Trey.
We were in Fordyce last Wednesday because Jason's grandmother passed away. When we were on our way to the cemetery for her burial, I realized we would be going to the same cemetery where Trey was buried... I asked Jason if this were true. He said yes.
As I walked to Trey's grave, I was overcome by emotion. I just about lost it. Angie, Trey's mom, reached for Kohen and held him during the ceremony for Jason's grandmother. I was standing behind Angie and Kohen, and Jay, Trey's dad, was standing behind me. Trey's grave was to my immediate left. Less than one foot away. I couldn't help but listen to the service and watch Angie holding my baby, who looks just like Trey, almost the same age as Trey when he passed, knowing Jay was behind me seeing what I was seeing... I kept telling myself "you've got to get a grip, pull it together". I wanted SO bad to turn around and hug Jay and tell him how sorry I was about him losing his son. His first born.
Seeing where Trey was buried made it real for me. He's not just a story about a boy losing his life in a swimming pool accident anymore, He's real. I don't understand why it's just now hitting me. All week I've been a mess. I think about him all the time now. I'm sad that he's not here. I'm sad that Kohen never got to meet his cousin. It makes my heart ache for Jay and Angie and for the rest of the family. It makes me sad for Jason.