Dreams

I've been having the same dream over and over and over about my Dad.  It starts where my Dad was first taken to the hospital after having the stroke.  I show up to the ER, see my Dad, talk to him.  Encourage him.  He has the slurred speech and the droopy mouth.  Fast forward to the next day where he was waiting for surgery.  Then he has surgery.  Then we go through the whole ordeal after surgery where he was on the vent and we lived by visiting hours.  Everything happening the same as it really did.  Still dreaming, we receive the text from my aunt because my Dad was off the vent and sitting in a chair.  We go to the hospital at 5 am to excitedly see my Dad awake and making progress.  He was doing great!  So great that I leave the hospital at 2 that afternoon to go home and get ready for Cindy's wedding.  Just like it all happened.  Still dreaming I call my mom after the wedding and tell her I'm about to be to the hospital.  We have the same conversation about how Dad was so tired and they had a really great moment.  He squeezed her hand over and over, tried to tell her something, she said ok and then he leaned in to give her a kiss.  She said bye, I love you, I'll see you in the morning.  Mom told me that the nurse assured her that everything was going great and that we should all go home (to my house) and sleep in a bed.  Here's where my dream and reality are different.  In my dream we went home, watched a recorded American Idol and went to sleep feeling good about the day.  In my dream that F-ing phone call where the nurse told my mom to come to the hospital because "Mr. Wood has taken a turn for the worse" never came.  We slept all night and woke up to go to the hospital to see my Dad. Alive.  Still dreaming, it fast forwards to a day where I'm at my parents house and Dad looks great, walking around and communicating.  I still couldn't understand what he was saying but I could understand enough to know that he was going to be ok.  He had on jeans, a navy golf shirt and lots of hairspray in his hair.  I starting telling him he was doing so good and he had come so far.  This is when I feel something.  I slowly open my eyes to see Kohen crawling up in my bed.  He snuggles up close to me, says good morning, and then it all hits me.  A punch in the gut as I realize that it was a dream.  I begin to cry and all I want to do is go back to sleep so I can finish my dream.  I want to go to sleep to see my Dad, alive.  I have to start all over again.  From square one.        

Birthday Party at Backacher's Ranch

Kohen and Ashton had such a good time at Samantha's (Ashton's sister) birthday party

Here's the birthday girl, Samantha, with her new saddle

Samantha

 Samantha got to serve the shaved ice :)

Kohen's turn to ride the horse

Ashton

June Photos

I'm catching up on some pictures that were taken in June.

These are my sweet nieces AnnaGrace and Julianne 

Jason's family came to swim and celebrate his mom's bday at our house

Jason and I took the kids to the park one evening.

Day by Day

It's been 10 weeks and 4 days since my Dad....died.  Even typing those words, I still don't believe it's true.  I'm struggling to deal with the pain.  So, for now, I shake my head to the unbelievable and crazy idea that it might be true.

Scott has come to stay with me twice now to try and talk about everything that has happened.  We found that we can only talk about it for a few minutes until it becomes too unbearable, then we change the subject.  We have found that there's just an unspoken understanding between us.  If we are having fun, we feel ok about it because we're together.  We sent this picture to my mom when we were together to show her we were smiling.    

Scott and I went to visit Shelley at one of Maddie and Max's baseball games.  Max did so good.  I think baseball has kept Shelley very busy this summer- a much welcomed distraction for her.






My greatest escape these days is golf.  It's very refreshing to get out there and whack the hell out of something...  I enjoy it most when I get to go with Jason.  He has been my rock through all of this.

* * *

I've been going through pictures on my iphone.  Saylor's car seat is directly behind the drivers seat.  When I can't see what she's doing in the mirror, I'll hold my phone back as far as I can behind my head and take a picture to see what she's doing.  This is one of the pics I took :)






Our niece, Lauren, just had a birthday.  She had it at this really great place in Conway called "Branch Out".  Kohen enjoyed painting so much at the party.



He was supposed to paint a pre-drawn baseball.  I knew there was NO WAY he would paint that baseball, and it actually look like a baseball.  So, I just let him have at it.  I love his "abstract" painting!






My baby girl is growing up.











So is my baby boy.























Kohen recently had surgery for tubes...





































































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