Monday, July 30, 2012


I've been having the same dream over and over and over about my Dad.  It starts where my Dad was first taken to the hospital after having the stroke.  I show up to the ER, see my Dad, talk to him.  Encourage him.  He has the slurred speech and the droopy mouth.  Fast forward to the next day where he was waiting for surgery.  Then he has surgery.  Then we go through the whole ordeal after surgery where he was on the vent and we lived by visiting hours.  Everything happening the same as it really did.  Still dreaming, we receive the text from my aunt because my Dad was off the vent and sitting in a chair.  We go to the hospital at 5 am to excitedly see my Dad awake and making progress.  He was doing great!  So great that I leave the hospital at 2 that afternoon to go home and get ready for Cindy's wedding.  Just like it all happened.  Still dreaming I call my mom after the wedding and tell her I'm about to be to the hospital.  We have the same conversation about how Dad was so tired and they had a really great moment.  He squeezed her hand over and over, tried to tell her something, she said ok and then he leaned in to give her a kiss.  She said bye, I love you, I'll see you in the morning.  Mom told me that the nurse assured her that everything was going great and that we should all go home (to my house) and sleep in a bed.  Here's where my dream and reality are different.  In my dream we went home, watched a recorded American Idol and went to sleep feeling good about the day.  In my dream that F-ing phone call where the nurse told my mom to come to the hospital because "Mr. Wood has taken a turn for the worse" never came.  We slept all night and woke up to go to the hospital to see my Dad. Alive.  Still dreaming, it fast forwards to a day where I'm at my parents house and Dad looks great, walking around and communicating.  I still couldn't understand what he was saying but I could understand enough to know that he was going to be ok.  He had on jeans, a navy golf shirt and lots of hairspray in his hair.  I starting telling him he was doing so good and he had come so far.  This is when I feel something.  I slowly open my eyes to see Kohen crawling up in my bed.  He snuggles up close to me, says good morning, and then it all hits me.  A punch in the gut as I realize that it was a dream.  I begin to cry and all I want to do is go back to sleep so I can finish my dream.  I want to go to sleep to see my Dad, alive.  I have to start all over again.  From square one.        

No comments: